For awhile I had a gadget on my side bar featuring all the books I was in the process of reading. I think there were a total of 9 books. Nine books that I was in the process of reading, meaning I never finished them. Most of them were non fiction books about child rearing, the other 3 were fiction that just didn't really grab my attention. So after my last trip to library, I was determined to read a book from cover to cover. I picked something out of Francine River's line up since she is a Christian author of some beautiful stories. I knew that I would be intrigued enough to read it through. The book I chose was "Her Mother's Hope" It's the first in a two-book saga about the relationship between mothers and daughters over several generations.
And yes ladies and gentlemen, I read the whole story! And in the middle I began to cry terribly and realized something about myself that I knew was sin. Such conviction in the middle of night is overwhelming. I'm married to a priest, and I really wanted him to turn over so I could have a time of confession but he was in deep rem sleep. When my crying sort of woke him up he asked what was wrong, I told him and he gave me the sign of the cross and told me I was forgiven. Later that morning, we did have a nice talk about it, and I was really able to air out somethings that were going through my thoughts.
I know you want to know what sin I felt convicted of, right? My conviction was about self-reliance. The idea of leaning on my own understanding and not the Lord's. Depending on my strength to get things done, rather than relying on the Father of all Fathers. I don't like weakness and I don't like having to rely on anyone else but myself to get things done. I found myself sort of pushing these ideas onto my own daughters. That feeling of conviction brought a knot in my throat and I burst in tears before the Lord and asked for forgiveness.
Like all things in life, there is a balance needed. Self reliance is not sin if it helps you learn how to tie your shoe or cook yourself a meal. Self reliance becomes a sin when you never want to depend or put your trust in anything but yourself. My self reliance meter was very unbalanced, and I thank God that He used this book to put things back into perspective.
Have you ever read something in fiction that convicted you of something in your own personal life?
2 comments:
Yeah you, finishing a book!
....conviction, hmm, do I have to go there?
For a long time I haven't allowed myself to read a good story book. I tell myself there is nothing to learn there and go with finance, crafts, homemaking books...I am reading a book about the great depression right now for goodness sake! Thank you for reminding me that a good story book can inspired, teach and convict you just as much, if not more. What a moment of the bright shining loving light of Christ piercing you in the solitude of night.
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